I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
