i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize