some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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