yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
