So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
