bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
