He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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