I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
