Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
