ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
