her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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