we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
