Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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