Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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