Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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