using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
