Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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