A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
