he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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