roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
