Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
