Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
