I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
