i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
