He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
