sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
