Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
