I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
