I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
