Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
