Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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