btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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