you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
