im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
