Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
