it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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