he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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