alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
