Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
