Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
