So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
we're making bets on your personal life
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
