dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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