You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize