Acid is not a monday night drug
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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