there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
True strength comes from lack of pants
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
