Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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