the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
