apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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