You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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