Welp...herpes.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
