The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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