call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
