On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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