I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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