I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
