Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
