Jerry, you need to find god
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
