why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
