I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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