I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
