I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
