White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
3pm strippers are depressing
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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