i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
