Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
