I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize