My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
