so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
