hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
