so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
tell me about the eggs
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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