I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize