Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize