So drunk its hurt
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
