It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
