her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
