This girl is more easily done than said...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
