Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
