sarcasm needs its own font
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
