I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
