also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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