Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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