Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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