when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
