i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
