Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
