The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize