i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
