Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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