I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
