The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
