Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
