I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
how drunk are you?
Several
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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