plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
