I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
