Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
