dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
