i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
