Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize