Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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