clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
