Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
