My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize