Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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