if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
