so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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