Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
