I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I want her autograph on my taint
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
