I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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