I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
