The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
