we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
