My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
