She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
