Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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