Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
